"I was blind, and could not see..."

When I began this journey 10 years ago, I was facing blindness. That is not a very positive future for one who loves to read and see all of God's creations with my eyes as well as my heart. I was diagnosed with Fuch's Distrophy (a progressive disease to the corneas that causes them to thicken, and thus cloud over, eventually causing blindness.) My grandfather on my dad's side may have had that disease, but no one knew what it was back then. He was blind in his older years.

There is no cure for this condition. The only treatment is Cornea Transplant. I chose to take that road in 2002, when I had my first surgery. That transplant was anything but successful. First, my eye did not like the surgery and reacted by producing excessively high intraoccular pressure that destroyed 1/3 of my optic nerve in my right eye, thus rendering me with partial blindness anyway in that eye. Next, the high pressure also caused my lense to go completely white (a cataract) and had to be removed with a new lens implanted in a second surgery.

As if all of that wasn't enough, another result of the high pressure caused my pupil to enlarge and the edge of my iris stuck to the new cornea, which makes it impossible for my pupil to contract. Thus, a third surgery was done to try and release that scar tissue. It didn't work.

Lastly, my cornea began to reject, due to a herpes simplex virus (I have a long history of cold sores, and that virus travels the nerve paths to the eyes) that made my entire cornea become thick and opaque. That is the condition of my right eye that I have accepted and lived with now for 8 years.

Less than one year after my right eye surgery was done, my left eye began to thicken so badly that I had to retire from working because I could no longer see clearly, and being a Nurse, one needs her eyes to see! I was a danger to my patients, and so I chose to retire. My Opthalmalogist knew of a surgeon in Portland that did a relatively new procedure called a DLEK (simply put, instead of removing the entire thickness of the cornea, only the inner layer is removed and replaced with a donor's inner layer. It is very complex, and no 100% results were guaranteed.) I opted to try that surgery.

On the day of my 4th surgery (first on my left eye) I was apprehensive, to say the least. After much prayer, I felt better, though the outcome wasn't predicted to be the best because of my past history. This eye could have also reacted and gone sour, and then blindness would be an instant result. I figured, "What the heck, either way I will be blind", so I went for it. Prayers were answered and the results were that I have been given back the sight in my left eye. It has served me well without any ill effects for 7 years now.

On Tuesday of next week, I will go under the little itty-bitty knife yet another time. My right eye has been causing me considerable pain over the past year or two, progressing to almost unbearable. So I am going to have that old, dead cornea replaced with a new one. Dr. Terry will clean up the scar tissue while he is doing the surgery, and put a running stitch around the edges of my iris to bring my pupil back to mid-point. This surgery will not bring back the vision I have lost due to the loss of a crucial part of my optic nerve, but perhaps some of my outer peripheral vision will return. There are many prayers going out in my behalf, and I am confident that I will be blessed.

This has been an interesting journey for me and for my family. Many blessings have come to me because of this condition. I have been so grateful for the vision that I have been given. You just don't really appreciate it until you face losing it. I read like crazy. I have turned to writing, both literature and music. I have resumed my career and have been so blessed with good health to do the things that I love to do. I have returned to taking piano lessons and love it. For all of these things and more, I give thanks.

And so the journey continues.

Fathers...

Fathers! They come in an amazing array of sizes, shapes and colors. Some are tall and thin. Some are short and stout. Many come in various assortments and combinations that lie anywhere in between!

I love my own Father. Though he is gone from this earth, he is far from forgotten. He was the guiding force that helped shape my life and defined who I am today. I remember his quiet guidance in the background when I was a little girl. To me he could do no wrong. He always made me feel like I was his little raye of sunshine! When I was struggling through those up and down days of being a teen-ager, he loomed tall and sometimes threatening. But, still he regarded me as an important part of his life. When I was an adult, my dad and I had many conversations about life and what it had meant to him to be my Father. And he was an example of a good son because he always treated his own Father with respect and love. He was a good Dad!

I watch (and have watched) the Fathers of my own children. Gerry was the best! Oh, how he loved his children! He struggled, just like I did, through the diaper years, the toddler years, the young child years and even the pre-teen and teen years. But, when they became adults, well, that is where he shined as a Father! He loved to relate to them on a new level -- a more equal level. It was a transition that was a joy to behold.

Dean shines when his sons are around him. There is nothing he wouldn't give or sacrifice for either one of them. He truly is a Dad.

This brings me to the best Father of them all, our Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father. He is there whenever I need Him -- all I have to do is call on Him. He blesses me beyond anything that I deserve. He gets me through tough times, lifts my heart when it is troubled, and through His Son, Jesus Christ, I am blessed with the knowledge that death has been concurred and each and every one of us will receive an eternal glory in the hereafter. I love my Heavenly Father.

I hope and pray that all of the Dads out there had a wonderful day celebrating your honorable title. God bless each and every one of you.

"I Wonder Where We'd Be Today..."

I woke up this morning (well, my morning! Actually it was 1:00 pm!) and thought about this day in history--fifty-two years ago today. There is sunshine today, just as there was sunshine on that day and for that I am grateful.

Fifty-two years ago, I married Gerald Vernon Henderson in the Los Angeles Temple. I do not regret that decision. We shared twenty-two years together, raised 5 amazing children, and traveled a very interesting road. I miss him! I will always miss him.

Someone asked me the other day, "Does it get any easier as time passes?" My answer then and now is yes and no. Yes, the festering wound that death leaves on our heart does heal over time. And no, because the yearning to know where we'd be today if he had lived never goes away.

I do have parts of him still with me. I see him in our son Mark's clear blue eyes. I experience him in our daughter, Kim's firmness. I hear his words sometimes come out of the mouth of our daughter, Debi. I see his face mirrored in the face of our daughter, JerriAnne. And I witness his amazing love in the hugs of our daughter, Heather. He left me this legacy and I guard them all with every fiber of my being.

I feel his warmth like a thick, warm blanket wrap around me whenever I am troubled, and I want to just keep it there forever. Every day, in many ways, I feel his closeness and sometimes I ask, "What would Gerry do in this situation?" That keeps me heading in the right direction.

So, today I am wishing "us" a Happy Anniversary. I love you Gerry! I always will.

Into each life...

Ezekiel Gerald

Into each life there comes some sunshine! Meet little Ezekiel Gerald Henderson. Born May 2, 2010 to Gerald and Lily in Taos, New Mexico. He weighed in at a whopping 6 lbs 15 oz and was 21 inches long. According to both Gerald and Lily, he looks just like Gerald did when he was a wee one! What do you think?
Gerald Mark


At least, I can see they both have blue eyes! Now, it seems to me that I learned somewhere that blue is a recessive color, so that tells me that Lily must have those recessive genes in her gene pool and Connie must have had them in hers. Very interesting, because both Connie and Lily have brown eyes! At any rate, blue has definitely shown its color in both of these boys.

We welcome this little new one into the family and pray for sunshine, health and that his life will be a happy one.

Thoughts on Mother's Day...

I don't know why I have been blessed with 6 of the most amazing children plus 14 equally amazing grandchildren and (now) 2 sweet little great-grandsons. I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve these blessings. Perhaps it is because God placed an overabundance of love in this crazy heart of mine and He helped me meet each and every challenge that motherhood brings. Yes! He certainly did!
I don't get to see my children or grandchildren often enough to suit me. But this wonderful day of technology has given me numerous ways of communicating with them, as Heather reminded me recently.
Some of the communication is instant, like the telephone; while other forms might take a little longer, like email or texting. And my own personal favorite, even though it takes the longest, is that old fashioned "snail mail" that brings cards and letters directly to my doorstep. There is that little warm feeling that flutters through my heart when I see a letter from one of my kids.

This Mother's Day was wonderful. Each one of my children remembered me in their own special way and their words warmed my heart.
I have so many tender memories of different phases of each one of these kid's lives. They are so special to me.

Remembering my own Mother brings sadness and joy to me. Sadness, because it was on Mother's Day in 2002 that she left this earthly sphere to go and be with Heavenly Father, Jesus and my dad. Joy, because I know that for me she was the best mother a girl could ever hope for. Though I miss her terribly, I know she is in a far better place than we are here on this earth and I know that I will see her again someday.

My mother was an angel. Whenever I consider how blessed I was to have the mother I had, when there are some youngsters today who don't even know who their mother is, or have mothers who are so totally lost that they don't know how to be mothers, I count my blessings!
I think of the mothers of the 2000 Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon, who taught their sons to be good people and to love God and fight for a cause. That is the kind of a mother that I hope I have been. That is the kind of mother my own mother was. The strength of my children tells me that perhaps I succeeded in some small measure.
I love you guys! All of you! Thank you for making this Mother's Day special to me!

If only...

If only time could stand still for just a little longer! If only these images could be reality every day. If only the distance that separates us could be shortened by at least 1,000 miles! If only...

I just returned from a 5 day (way too short!) trip to southern Utah to be with my son and his family for the celebration of Marcus's Baptism. I really wanted all of the family to be there, but settled for the few who took the time to travel for the occasion. My brother came from Salt Lake City and it was so wonderful to see him again. Debi traveled from Provo with Randi in tow! I know attending family events isn't one of Randi's favorite things to do, but she was good to her mother and her grandmother and came anyway. Heather came from Las Vegas with little Hailey. Everyone had a wonderful time.

After the baptism, we all gathered at Mark's house for some grilled hamburgers and some fun "play" in their corral with their horses. Little Abbie showed her skills on her horse and took a ride around the barrells. She is only 4-years-old and has already participated in her first rodeo, bringing home a silver buckel. She is going to be just like her mommy. Little Hailey (also 4-years-old) couldn't wait to get up on the horse, and was a natural. We teased Heather that she and Rich were going to have to get Hailey a horse and take it home to their little postage-stamp back yard in suburban Las Vegas! She laughed.

Heather and Hailey were the first to leave. She had to get back to Vegas and her family. Why is it that I always feel a hole in my heart when one of my kids say "good-bye?" I know it isn't forever, but the emptiness just won't go away. Debi and Randi stayed over another night and went to church with us on Sunday.
Debi and Mark took me out to dinner for Mother's Day (because I won't be there on that day). We had a wonderful Italian meal at Olive Garden (my absolute favorite place to go)! After dinner, Debi and Randi had to say their good-bye's and head north to Provo and "snow!" There goes another hole in my heart!
I spent the next two days just fitting into Mark and Terrie's family routines and loving being back in my own backyard again. Whenever I go to St. George, it is like coming home! I love the colors and the deep blue skies and fluffy white clouds. Not to mention the fact that the temperature was in the 80's the last two days that I was there and it is in the 50's on the Oregon coast! I soaked in as much of that wonderful sunshine as I could.
All too soon, Wednesday morning came and it was time for me to leave. Mark and Abbie took me to the airport. It was awfully hard to say good-bye! There came a few more holes in my heart.
If only I could make time stand still! If only I could keep those I love close for hugs every day! If only we didn't always have to come together and then leave all too soon, leaving such big, giant holes in our hearts! If only...

I've Been Away Far Too Long...

They tell me I'm missed! I guess that is because I have been away for 3 long months! That is unusual for me. I usually sit down at the computer at least once a week and write "something!" But, I guess my head has been elsewhere these past few months.

My hubby and I did take a trip the end of February. It was an amazing adventure. First, we drove up to Vancouver, BC in Canada to participate in the craziness of the 2010 Winter Olympics held there. We were privileged to get tickets to the Women's Gold Medal Curling Match and the Closing Ceremonies. Neither one of us knew that much about curling, but we certainly learned while watching an amazing match between Canada and Sweden.
It was a very close game, that was tied at the end of the 10th "end" (similar to frames and lines in bowling) and so they had to play one more. Right up to the end, it was anybody's match! But Sweden pulled it off with an amazing last minute hit that put two of their stones in the circle, knocking Canada out. Canada had one last throw, and missed their mark. What an exciting finish!
Our stay in Vancouver was a party every day! We discovered that Canada's main past-time (besides Hockey) is drinking beer! I've never seen so many beer drinkers in one place in my life. They are funny to watch.

Dean got to ski on Whistler mountain,
while I roamed the village below. That was one exciting place to be, also. Everywhere, there were giant screens, televising the events that were currently going on in Vancouver and on the mountain. We watched the men's Canadian Curling team win the gold medal and we watched some amazing downhill events, as well. And everywhere, it was a party!

The closing ceremonies were amazing. It was exciting to be in the seats with all of our props, participating in the whole event. The whole experience was electrical! I have never felt so much energy from so many people in my life.

After the Olympics adventure, we drove to Portland and caught a plane to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Dean had promised me sunshine after the cold of Canada, but it was an interesting phenomenon! It was actually warmer in Vancouver than it was in Ft. Lauderdale! There was a cold front passing through and we got caught in the middle of it. Well, that was true for the first three days, after that, the sun came out and I got my promised sunshine.

We had an amazing time in Florida. We took a short cruise over to Nassau in the Bahamas and spent a day on the island. It was a wonderful adventure. We got to "play" with the Dolphins and have our pictures taken with our new friend.
I got to go to the spa (on the ship) and had a wonderful hot lava rock massage and had my hair braided like the natives. What a wonderful adventure.






Back in Ft. Lauderdale, we visited the Butterfly World and watched the beautiful butterflies flit around in the beautiful gardens. We also saw humming birds, lorikeets
(one liked Dean so much, he stayed on his shoulder for quite a while, eating his shirt!), parrots, a number of other birds and beautiful flowers. Next, we went to the Everglades and rode on a big hover boat through the saw grass and saw an alligator. We learned that alligators don't attack, because their vision is so poor, but they will snap at anything that comes close to their big mouths.
I choose to stay away, anyway -- they just look way too scary to me!

Since we've been home, we have just been "catching up" with work and home upkeep. It has rained and rained and rained just about every day since we returned and all I wanted to do at first, was go back to Florida!

Catch up with more, later...