One Last Vacation For The Year, 2012...

Beautiful blue-green Pacific in Drake Bay, California

 

     Planning our November vacation started several months ago.  (Dean always has to plan a whole year in advance for his time off at work, so they can work out their schedules.  It drives us both crazy, but works out well with our Time Share planning, as we have to book our Condos at least a year in advance!)

     We wanted to go somewhere within a day or two's driving time.  We haven't taken a car trip for ages.  We thought about Canada, but we've been there.  We thought about Washington, but we go there a lot.  We thought about Idaho, but want to save that for another time.  That left Oregon or California.  For some reason, we didn't want to go anywhere in Oregon, so we put our heads together, checked out our Wyndham and WorldMark books and zeroed in on Clear Lake, California.  It sounded like a beautiful place to go for a fall vacation.

     Well, that got me to thinking that Clear Lake isn't that far from Napa Valley, Sausalito, or the Oakland area, so we could make it a tour of the Wine Country and see a friend of mine (Judi Colby-Forman), who lives in Nicasio Valley, which is practically next door to Sausalito; and Dean could see an old friend of his from Taos (Israel Stein), who lives right over the Richmond bridge near Oakland.  And, so we began planning our trip.

     It was fun to be doing a car trip again.  We could take our time and actually "see" the countryside, up close and personal, instead of flying over it!  We began our journey on Thursday, November 8th, and drove through as far as Redding, California.  We were reminded that the last time we were here was about 4 years ago to attend a Michael W. Smith Christmas Concert.  Amazing memories!  This time, we were just stopping over night on our way south along I-5..

     We checked into our Howard Johnson motel, got a little rest, then walked up the street to one of the best restaurants ever!  We ordered 1/2 a rack of the most delicious ribs we have had in ages.  After dinner we walked back to the motel.  (We needed that walk after that dinner!)  Then, we tried to decide whether or not we were too tired to go to the midnight showing of "Skyfall," the newest 007 movie due to be released in theaters the next night.  It wasn't a hard decision, and we opted to go.  I have to say, it was worth staying up all night to see!  We got back to the motel at 3:00 a.m.

     Needless to say, we were really, really tired when we got up @ 9:00 a.m. to get some breakfast, shower, check out and get back on the road to head south.  Dean opted for coffee and I opted for Dr. Pepper to keep us "alive!"  Driving south was so beautiful.  I drove this time (because it was daylight) and though I took the "long way around" to get to my friend, Judi's house, it was certainly scenic!  Neither one of us had been in this part of California before.

Acres of Grape vines at Robert Mondavi Winery

 



     We stopped in Napa Valley, along the way, and visited the amazing Robert Mondavi Winery.  It was a new experience for me, but Dean had been on these kinds of tours before.  We took a tour and saw the rows and rows of grape vines, wearinig their beautiful fall foliage.  Next, we went into where they press, mix and age the wine.  That is quite a process.  I hadn't realized that they use yeast to help the distilling process, just like they do in beer or ale or whiskey.  All I could smell was the very distinct odor of the yeast.  The last part of the tour, took us into a "tasting" room.  I was apprehensive about this part, but rather than turn my glasses upside down, I let the tour guide pour it, did all of the "sniffing," "whirling," and when it came to tasting, I stuck my tongue in it and said, "Yuck!"  I don't know whether or not I offended the guy or not, but I did the same with two other wines.  I'm sorry, folks, drinker or not, I think any wine is yucky.  There is a distinct yeast taste to it, and for the life of me, I don't know what the big deal is about it--at all!

Dean inside Winery Processing Area

Hundreds of barrells of aging wine.

Dean in front of fountain, entrance to Winery.

     We arrived at Judy's home about dinner time and were welcomed with open arms.  She and George were so gracious, first to have us there, and second to feed us such wonderful food, provide a room and bathroom of our own, and lastly plan our activities for the next day!  I hardly know Judi, but she is quickly becoming a dear friend.

Beginning of our 5+ mile hike.

Raccoon paw prints on the beach.

     On Saturday morning, we woke up early, had a great breakfast and headed out to hike in a seashore preserve called Point Reyes National Preserve.  We walked along the beautiful beach that lies along Drake Bay.  Oh, the beauty of this hike.  It was a 5 1/4 mile round trip.  I can honestly say, I enjoyed every mile of it and only started getting rubbery legs the last 1/2 mile.

Judi and Lori, walking the beach.

Catching some sun reys near the end of our hike.

     After the hike, we went to a nice restaurant in Fairfax that the Forman's recommended.  It was called PunJabe's Burritos. It was Indian food served in their flat bread, rolled up like a burrito.  It was very good.  After lunch, 4 very tired hikers were ready for visiting, a delicious dinner, prepared by Judy and George, and then, off to bed.  We had a wonderful day.

Lori, in front of a wonderful gallery in Sausalito.

The fountain in the center of the park.

Dean, posing with an R.C. Gorman painting in background.

     On Sunday, Dean had planned to drive over the Richmond Bridge, to Oakland, where he wanted to visit with his old Taos buddy, Israel (Izzy) Stein.  Israel is now a Cantor in his Synagogue and so he has asked us not to call him "Izzy!"  Before traveling over the bridge to see Israel and Sue, we took a side trip to Sausalito.  I have always wanted to go there, and I wasn't disappointed.  It is an artsy community, much like Taos!  In fact, there is a little shop there, called Kokopelli Gallery, that has Southwestern artifacts and jewelry...and low, and behold, the owner, Johathan Lucero, is from Taos.  Small world.  We also visited a gallery that featured an artist by the name of Rodney Lough.  He is a photographer, par excellance!  He is a BYU Grad, and makes his home in Happy Valley, Oregon!  We keep finding out just how small our world really is!

Israel Stein and wife, Susan.

Dean and Israel (Izzy).

     Our visit with Israel was very interesting.  When he left Taos, he went back to New York, where he studied to become a Steinway Piano re-builder.  He has his own business in the basement of their tiny little home.  He had a full-sized Steinway Grand piano in his garage, with the "guts" taken out of it, and he is in the process of re-building it.  Amazing what one can do with an old piano.  We had a nice visit, and at its end, said our good-byes and went back to Judi's house.  We stopped on the way to get a bite to eat, because we were starved.  We stopped again in Fairfax.

     One little side note...Judi and George live on Lucas Road, in Lucas Valley.  And, yes, it is named after none other than, George Lucas.  He happens to own nearly all of the valley, and has a huge, fenced off estate, complete with recording and movie studio on the property.  We stopped there on our way out of town to takes some pictures of the fence, pastures, and gate.  (He's not liked very much there, something about water rights!  Sort of reminds me of another actor I know, namely Robert Redford, in Provo Canyon, Utah!)

     Monday morning early, we posed for some pictures with Judi and George, said good-bye, thanked them for their wonderful hospitality, and went on our way to go look for Jack London"s "Valley of the Moon" Museum and the grounds of his amazing ranch.  It didn't take much to find it, and we were so very glad that we came.  We took so many pictures, that it makes me wonder if I should do a separate writing on this part of our trip.  In fact, I think I will break this vacation up into three parts.  This will conclude the first part, and part two will be our visit to Jack London's Ranch.  Last, I will cover our trip to Clear Lake, which was a highlight of our vacation.

     Ta-Ta for now...

The Empty Swing...

 

 

It was just a swing on the playground, swinging empty now, back and forth, back and forth as the soft breezes blew.  Once it knew the laughter of children at play.  Once it felt the joy of being pushed to and fro by happy hands or feeling the up and back of pumping feet.  Once it heard a child say, sweetly, “I’m six years old and I can swing high enough to touch the clouds!”

 

Now the swing sways empty.  Gone are the children who loved to play.  Gone are the children who loved to dance.  Gone are the children who loved to sing.  And, gone are the children who loved to swing.

They’ve gone to meet Jesus and Heavenly Father, to live with them in their heavenly home.  We ask, “Why?” but we have no answers.  Perhaps He needed their playful spirits to cheer Him through the heavy trials of His creation, His World, gone astray.  Perhaps He needed to hear the laughter of the little ones on His playground. Perhaps He needed them to dance especially for Him.  Perhaps He needed their angel voices in His heavenly choir.  Or perhaps He needed them to swing on His swing.

Don’t cry mothers.  Don’t cry fathers.  Don’t cry brothers or sisters.  Your precious little ones have gone to be with Jesus—and He is pushing them now.  Your arms will be empty for just a little while.  One day, you will be able to hold them close again, and they will answer all of your questions.  God will bless you and God will bless the little ones who fill the empty swing.

                                                                                    …Florene Mickelson

                              Mother, Grandmother and Great-Grandmother of many 6-year-olds!



My 55th High School Reunion (I Can't Believe It)...

   

Santa Monica High School, as it looks today.



    My, how the years have flown by!  June 14th marked the 55th Anniversary since I graduated from Santa Monica High School in (yes, same name) Santa Monica, California.  I attended the ten year reunion with Gerry, when he was alive, in 1967.  It was held on the Queen Mary in Long Beach Harbor.  It was a lot of fun to see lots of friends.

     In 1997, I attended our fortieth reunion in Santa Monica.  I was single then, and attended with my friends, Barbara (Atwood) and Marilen (Ede).  We also had a very good time.  I wanted to attend the fiftieth reunion in 2007, but for one reason or another, I couldn't go.

     This year, I was determined to make the trip all the way down there, so I contacted some of the girls on the committee and made arrangements to attend.  On Friday, June 1st, I flew to Burbank Airport, where I was met by former classmate, Vicki (Richardson).  She drove me to her beautiful home in Simi Valley, where I would spend one night with her.  I met her husband, too.  He is a great person and a nice match for Vicki.

     Vicki and I had a lot of catching up to do, and we did it over putting together flower arrangements for the tables at the Reunion, and a delicious fish dinner (which her husband prepared).  There is a lot to talk about when there has been a fifty-five year gap since high school!

      On Saturday morning, we got up quite early for the drive from her house to Playa Del Rey to deliver the flowers to the venue where the reunion would be held in the evening. Then, it was on to Santa Monica to attend the All-Class Picnic on "Samohi's" campus. I had never been to one of those. It was a wonderful memory jogger for me. The campus looks nothing like it used to. Oh, well, the main building is still there (the one where I took all of my Math classes and my Typing Class, and Psychology and Spanish), but it is no longer the Administration Building. It is completely used for housing class rooms now.

Some Alumni from another class.

     We met with a lot of our former classmates on the stairs in the front of the school. We took pictures, ate lunch and many of us got re-acquainted. I couldn't believe how many friends from the past were there. Some of the friends I talked to were Lynette( Galusha) Komarik (who lives in Cedar City, Utah now); Fred Harvey (who was in the Senior Class Presidency); Jules Resnik, Alice (Gomez), Julia (Martinez), Gretchen (Myers) Doeringer, Sally (Richardson) Scholz, Barbara (Doughrty), Steve McBeth, Chuck Hanson, and Judi (Shearer) Colby-Forman. Wow, what a lot of memories!

Julia (Martinez), talking to Lynette (Galusha).

Gretchen (Myers), one of my roomies!

     I took a "solo" walking tour of the campus and saw, in my mind's eye, myself walking those same halls as a teenager, carrying my books from class to class.  I walked down to the new, fully restored "Barnum Hall," where we held our assemblies and other school meetings and where our Senior Class plays were produced.  When I was younger, I took dance lessons, and we performed many recitals on that stage.  I walked in the front doors and it was like deja vou..  There on the stage were 6 or 7 little girls in costumes, rehearsing for an upcoming dance recital.  I was mesmerized.

The newly restored Barnum Hall.

      At about 2:00 or so, I left the campus with Vicki, who drove me to Marina Del Rey and the hotel where I was going to room with Gretchen and Sally.  We called ourselves "The Old Ladies of the Class of '57."  We had a great time sharing stories of our lives and celebrating this amazing event.

     After we got ready for the Banquet, we drove to the venue where the reunion was going to be held. It was elegant!  The tables looked amazing, and I found Vicki to tell her so.  There were so many friends there and I got to visit with Richard Pinney, Martha (Ronay) Meade, Natalie Crawford (who married my old Math Teacher)  It is amazing how 55 years can be erased in only a moment, and there we were, re-living all those moments in high school.  The food was excellent, the program (planned by Judi) was amazing, and I honestly believe everyone had a wonderful time.

     On Sunday morning, we checked out of our hotel.  I said good-bye to Gretchen and Sally and met Vicki, who drove me to her hotel, where we had an amazing breakfast with Chuck Hanson and his wife, Vicki, Jerriann (Blichfeldt) Hoag, Julia (Martinez), Ebba (Torres), Barbara .(Doughrty), and Judi and George.  We all had so many life stories to share and I was amazed at how many of us had lost our first husbands and most of us had remarried.

View from the Lobby at our Hotel in Playa del Rey.

Another view from the hotel.

Ebba (Torres) and Vicki (Richardson) at the Breakfast.

Julia, Jerriann, and Barbara.

  After the breakfast, Vicki drove me back into Santa Monica and we drove past a lot of childhood memories, including the house I lived in when I was in High School. My, oh my, how things have changed over the years. We then drove down the coast and over the mountains to Vicki's house to visit for a little longer before I had to be at the airport to catch my flight home.

My house on 26th Street, as it looks today!

     All in all, it was an amazing 3 days. It was a bit rushed, to say the least, but those 3 days left me with memories that I will treasure forever, and renewed friendships that warm the soul. Are there going to be any more reunions? That's hard to say. According to Judi, who worked so very hard on this one, she will not be in charge of another one. Will someone else take the reins from her and tackle that huge job? That remains to be seen. Meanwhile, I have wonderful memories of our 55th!

Good-bye, Samohi!  Thanks for the memories.

 

One Special Week for One Special Boy...

 
   May was an incredible month!  Not only was there a wedding in Provo to start off the month, but by the middle of the month, there was an amazing trip to Pagosa Springs, Colorado.  Although it was part vacation/part graduation celebration, it turned out to be a family reunion (of sorts!) for Dean and I.  I know that much of this is a repeat of my last post, but I felt that I had to add more pictures and elaborate more on our wonderful trip.  Please forgive me!

     We flew into Denver, Colorado on May 10th (though it is a beautiful airport, full of fun things to do and see, it was a huge mistake!).  Our whole trip was for the purpose of (1) a vacation, and (2) Eliot's Adam's State College graduation.  On our way to see Eliot, we stopped in Colorado Springs to visit the amazing Focus On The Family Campus.  We were mesmerized by everything we saw there and the amazingly wonderful work they do there to promote families in the world.

Me in the Focus on the Family Visitor's Center.

     We drove next to Alamosa, Colorado, where we found Eliot and spent some time with him and his girlfriend, Tamiya.  We made plans for the graduation celebration in a few days.

Our Condo is the first one on the right.

     Next, we drove to Pagosa Springs, over Wolf Creek Pass (which is a beautiful, scenic drive, by the way) to check into our Time Share at Wyndham Resorts there.  It is the same Time Share property that Dean and I purchased over 28 years ago when we still lived in Taos, New Mexico.  We stayed in an amazing Condo.  The mountain setting couldn't have been more perfect.  Our arrival was badly timed, however, as we arrived at 11:30 p.m.!  We were tired, and it was dark, and it was a little difficult to find our condo.  Once settled, we got a good night's sleep.

     The following day, which was Friday, we settled in, went grocery shopping and drove around Pagosa Springs to get re-acquainted.  The place has certainly changed in the last 28 years!  For starters, the Hot Springs themselves have grown from a simple swimming pool and small hot spring pools along the river, to a full-fledged Spa!  There must be over 20 pools with varrying temperatures to enjoy and rejuvenate tired muscles.  They also have a full-service spa.  Yumm!  Later, rather than cook, we enjoyed a great dinner out at a wonderful Italian place that we found.

A beautiful view of the Hot Springs.

     Early Saturday morning, we made the trip back over Wolf Creek Pass to Alamosa to attend Eliot's graduation.  It was a great ceremony and the proud father teared up when the Suma Cum Laude candidates were announced.  I believe there were two...Eliot and another recipient from another major program.  Good job, Eliot!  After the graduation, all the family and friends gathered at one of Eliot's friends homes for a graduation celebration.  We enjoyed meeting them all.  His mother was there also  and things were pretty cordial.

A very proud Eliot and his girl-friend, Tamiya.

     We left the party early to drive back to Pagosa to catch the 6 p.m. showing of "The Avengers."  It was a great movie.

     Sunday was Mother's Day.  I woke up early in the morning remembering my own Mother.  I still have a hard time with this day.  Not only is it a day to revere our mothers, but it marks the 10th anniversary (not the date, but the day) that Mom left this earthly sphere to return home to her Heavenly Father.  I miss her terribly.

     Dean surprised me with flowers and a gift certificate for a massage and soak in one of the mineral pools.  It was amazing!.  At the end of the day, we went out for dinner (again!  Something we both love to do).

     On Monday, Eliot and his friend, Deacon, arrived to stay a few days.  The Wyndham facility was gracious and opened the other half of the Condo, "for free," and so the boys had a place of their own to stay (plus we needed the extra room for when Billy and Ingrid arrived!).  We drove around Pagosa, played miniature golf, and went out to eat at a fun place called "Boss hog's."  They had great ribs.

     On Tuesday Billy finally arrived and I was one grateful mother to see him.  We got to meet Ingrid, Billy's (at this point) friend from Norway.  She is delightful and I love her accent.  She speaks very good English.  We all played miniature golf (again).  After lunch, we all went back to the "ranch" and Billy prepared a wonderful Norwegian dish to surprise Ingrid.  It was going to be our dinner treat.

We rented a brand new Subaru, the boys each have their own.

Truly a Subaru family!

Dean and I and the boys at the Condo.

Ingrid and I at the Condo.

     We then went to the hot springs and enjoyed a good soak in the springs.  I think we overdid our time soaking!  Dean treated himself to a massage, this time.  Afterward, we returned to the Condo to enjoy the meal and celebrated Billy's Birthday (which will be June 14th, but he will be on tour during that time.)  We had a great party.

     Wednesday came all too soon, and we had to say good-bye to the boys and Ingrid.  It is always so sad to end a visit!  Eliot headed back to Alamosa to pack for his move to Colorado Springs, and Billy headed west to continue his tour.  Dean and I stayed behind to clean up the place, getting ready for our check-out.  As we were driving east, toward Denver, we had to make one last stop...for ice cream!

Saying good-bye to the boys and Ingrid.

     I don't know who it was that told us to take a short cut to Denver, but we did, and on the way, Dean passed a speed trap (right after he had passed a car) and got a ticket.  Kind of puts a damper on an otherwise wonderful trip.  And to top things off, it got dark, and we missed our turn to go toward the airport and got lost!  We ended up in the middle of Denver, (near the University of Colorado) and found a little motel to spend the night.

Looking out at the valley from Wolf Creek Pass.

A waterfall in Wolf Creek Pass.

     Thursday morning found Dean calling the airlines, trying to change our flight to an earlier one.  They said the best way to do that was just to go to the airport and try and do it there.  We managed to get on a stand-by status for an earlier flight, but had to wait at the airport for 8 hours.  We had a lot of time to kill!  We saw a lot of fun stuff and even caught a few zzzz's.  It was 2 a.m. on Friday by the time we arrived home in Lincoln City.  The down side was that Dean had to be at work by 9 a.m.  What a trip!  But, looking back, it was all worth it.  We had an amazing time!

The very interesting Hangar at Denver International Airport.

The very interesting VW we saw at the airport.  All of that color is teeny-tiny individual beads glued on by two families in Mexico!

 

Catching Up...

 

 

Before my life's journey was interrupted by an untimely event that sent my brain spinning and my plans  put in a holding pattern, my husband and I took a break from our everyday life and went on a vacation to Pagosa Springs, Colorado.  For us, it was a return to a place in the mountains of Colorado that we grew to love a great deal, more than thirty years ago.

If you've never been to Pagosa Springs, let me recommend that you take your time either in late spring or early fall.  It is an enchanting place nestled in a little valley in the southern Rockies.  And yes, there is an amazing hot springs spa there.  Thirty years ago, the springs weren't as developed as they are today.  There were a few hot spots to go into next to the river.

Today, there are more than twenty pools you can relax in with varrying temperatures ranging from 105 degrees to 110 degrees and some even hotter than that (if you can stand them!)  And you shouldn't leave without experiencing a total body massage at the Spa.  It is a glorious experience and a beautiful setting.

But, I digress.  Our purpose was not primarily to visit the springs, although we did choose the Wyndham Pagosa Springs Resort to stay for nostalgic reasons; but our primary purpose was to attend Dean's son Eliot's graduation from Adams State College (soon to be University) in Alamosa, Colorado.  Alamosa is 75 miles to the east of Pagosa Springs.

Eliot worked very hard to earn his Bachelor's Degree In Music Composition.  He was a straight "A" student and earned scholarships every semester in order to accomplish his dream.  Dean and I, as well as Eliot's mother, Laurie and his brother, Billy are extremely proud of his accomplishment.

Eliot's graduation was a grand event.  He was awarded Suma Cum Laude, which means he finished in the top 1% of his class and it is an extreme honor.  After graduation, there was a party at one of his friends homes.  Everyone who attended had a great time and congratulated Eliot many times over.

Billy wasn't able to make the graduation, but he and his friend, Ingrid, came to spend a few days at the time share in Pagosa Springs.  Eliot and one of his friends also came and we all had a wonderful time together.  Ingrid is from Norway and is a delightful girl.  I think Billy kinda likes this one!  Hmmm, Norway is an awfully long way to go to visit!

Alas, as all vacations must come to an end; so, too, did this one.  Saying good bye to the boys was tearful.  But we have our memories to keep us going.

I love Pagosa Springs, and we plan to visit again next spring and perhaps Eliot can join us there again, since he has chosen to settle down for now in Colorado Springs, another lovely place to visit.

My next "catch-up" writing will be my memories of my 55-year High School Reunion, which I attended June 1st through the 3rd, in Santa Monica, California.

Ta-Ta, for now...

Anatomy of a Head Bleed...Part Three...In Retrospect...

 

Time has a way of moving forward and prayers have a way of being answered.  Slowly, but surely, I came closer and closer to the person I was before all this occurred.  I began to feel gratitude in my heart that I hadn't felt before.

After my release from the hospital, I asked my daughters and my husband to write their feelings about this experience.  They were first hand observers of their mother's (and wife's) most recent trial.  No amount of preparation could have prepared me for what each one of them shared with me.  Their words and feelings were heart wrenching and enlightening.

Kim shared her thoughts:  "...Mom was in so much pain...she didn't look so good.  My first reaction was, 'Oh, I can't stand to see my mother in so much pain, what can be done?'"

Debi also stated her concerns, "You were in a lot of pain and weren't talking a whole lot...you wanted to be left alone."

JerriAnne said, "When I looked into her eyes laying in that hospital bed and saw great pain and confusion, this made my heart hurt deeply.  I wanted to take all that pain and confusion away for her."

My youngest daughter, Heather, has a very difficult time processing her feelings.  She is the most like me in that regard.  She has not yet sent me her list of feelings.  But her silence speaks volumes to me.  I know in my heart that she was touched deeply by this experience but just can't bring herself to talk about it. 

I can relate so completely to the feelings of my daughters.  I, too, experienced those feelings ten years ago, as I watched my own mother suffering excruciating pain every day for three months before she died.  My heart broke every single day, and I spent hours on my knees begging my Heavenly Father to take this pain away from my mother.  I could not bear to watch her in so much pain.

My husband's words touched me the most.  He wrote, "We were more than concerned--we were stoically squelching our fears to appear 'strong' but, inside, worry, fear and prayer were all bubbling up in a confused or rampant admixture of...'HOPE?'"

Physical pain is subjective in nature and can only be felt to whatever degree by the person who is suffering with it.  However, there is another kind of pain--the compassionate objective kind that is experienced by watching a loved one in agony.

To say that what I was going through was a unique experience, never known by another human being, would be a lie.  There are many people in this country and, yes, even in the world, who have faced the same anguish and fear that I was feeling.

Prayers

I'm very grateful for trained and experienced surgeons who can work miracles, but I know the greatest healer of all is my Savior.  It was through faith and prayers that my life was spared.  At the very beginning, my thoughts matched those of my husband, and we asked for the Elders of my Church to come and give me a Priesthood blessing prior to my ambulance ride to Portland.  The blessing I recieved was powerful and promised me that I would come through this crisis in my life with no impairments.  I held on to those words as I went forward.

Again, with my daughters surrounding my bed in Portland and my husband also present, the Elders of the Church were saught out and gathered to give me another Priesthood blessing.  I do not remember that blessing.  I do not even remember them coming into my room.  But the peace that surrounded my troubled spirit gave me hope for a positive outcome.

Personal prayers were also offered on my behalf.  Kim shared her experience with prayer: "When I went to bed that night [Monday] I prayed that they would be able to move up the surgery and that they could relieve the pain in my mother's head.  My prayers were answered, as the next day they said they were taking her into surgery that day."  She also commented on the family prayer she offered before I went to surgery.  "That was a very humbling experience, too.  I could feel the Spirit comforting all of us as we gathered around mom's bed and I said a prayer of thankfulness and asked for [a] blessing to be upon mom and all of us and our families."

I have four of the most amazing daughters living on this planet, but I also have a loving husband.  When I read his thoughts on my experiences, I cried because I could not imagine what he was going through.  During my surgery, he went to the hospital quiet room and took time on his knees to pray diligently for me.  He told me later, there was a little book in the room placed there expressly for the purpose of people with concerns to write their feelings and prayers.  He wrote in that little book, "Praise God for His blessings; blessed by His Son, the Grand Healer who, through Him, creates miracles for ALL of us, every day."

Kim left her thoughts in that book, also:  "So grateful today for all of the blessings we have received.  Thank you, Lord for answering our prayers and sending this comfort."  And Debi added: "'...THY WILL BE DONE...' Thank you Heavenly Father!"

I love my family.  I love them for their faith.  I love them that they are close to the Lord and that they know how to listen to the Spirit.  Their prayers, and the many prayers said in my behalf by dozens of friends and family and those who pray for the sick and afflicted in the Temple, reached the ears of the Lord and He answered them!  I am so grateful!

I was released from the hospital three days after my surgery.  I faced a long, upward climb back to where I was before.  Mentally, I had to re-train my brain to do even the simplest tasks like getting a spoon to my mouth.  It was also difficult to get the task I was thinking in my head to travel the correct pathway to my arms and hands and respond with the current action.  In the beginning, I couldn't type correctly on the computer keyboard; I couldn't write a sentence with a pen; and I couldn't put my hands together to play familiar music on my piano.  These were all devastating to me.  But I was determined to move forward.

Physically, I had issues with balance and gait when walking.  I kept running into things.  The use of a walker was a Godsend, but still I would push it into a wall.  Two months of Physical Therapy brought strength, balance, and coordination back to my body.

I lost all of my hair because they had to shave my head before surgery, but even that is coming back.  I look at pictures of my former self and then I look in the mirror and laugh.  Yes, that former me had long hair that I loved to wear in all kinds of styles, but this new me (my husband calles me "M") with barely an inch of hair on my head, looks at life with gratitude.

As time has moved forward, and my prayers have slowly brought me closer and closer to the person I was before all of this occurred, I have begun to feel that gratitude that sustains me.  It has been heightened by this entire experience.  Coming so close to lifting my hand and knocking on the Gates of Heaven has made me realize how fragile life is.  I'm eternally grateful that mine was spared.  I haven't figured out yet for what purpose, but I'm sure even that will be made known to me on some future day.

Anatomy of a Head Bleed...Part Two...Family Reunion and The Fix..

                                            Oregon Health & Sciences University Hospital

 

You may be asking yourself the same question I asked myself, over and over again, as I was transported to the Neurological Intensive Care Unit at Oregon Health Sciences University in Portland.  That question was, just what is a subdural hematoma?

I didn't want to rely solely on my own knowledge of the subject, so after all was said and done, I did some research.  I did know that our brain is the electronic powerhouse and controller of our bodies, shaped much like the two halves of a walnut.  Wrapped around that brain is a tough, protective meningeal membrane called the Arachnoid Mater.  Between that membrane and the next one, is a small  space, which is the home of bridging blood vessels.  The other membrane, the Dura Mater, is the second protective covering for the brain.  The hard shell, which is the skull, surrounds the whole mass and gives the brain its final protection.

I turned to the Internet to answer some of the questions I had and found three sources that helped me understand the anatomy of my brain bleed.  The first, Wikipedia, was the most helpful and it is the one I will include here.  Another one, Medline Plus, from The U.S. National Library of Medicine (NLM) and the National Institute of Health (NIH) just confirmed what Wikipedia said and gave me a little extra insight.  The last, A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia, (Pub Med) also a publication of the NLM and the NIH, agreed with the information from the first two.

According to Wikipedia, "a subdural hematoma or subdural hemorrhage is a type of hematoma, a form of traumatic brain injury."  In other words, as the result of some sort of injury to the brain, those tiny blood vessels in the space between the two membranes covering the brain rupture and the resulting blood flow attempts to fill that limited space.  When that space is filled, it starts compressing on the brain itself.  Because it is beneath the Dura Mater, it is called subdural.  Intra cranial pressure then begins to rise and as a result, can cause brain tissue damage.

There are two types of subdural hematomas, according to Wikipedia.  They are acute and chronic.  Of the two, acute is the most life threatening.  These are often the result of "high speed acceleration or deceleration injuries...and have a high mortality rate."

"Chronic subdural bleeds develop over a period of weeks, often after minor head trauma."  Wikipedia states that these bleeds are common in the elderly, due to atrophy (shrinking) of the brain, which stretches the veins in the subdural space making them fragile and easily broken.

Visitors

On Monday, I had a pleasant surprise when my four daughters came to see me.  I was deeply touched.  My husband also managed to get an emergency week off work to be there.  In many ways, it was like a great family reunion.  But it was sad to have to be centered on such grim circumstances.

I don't remember a lot about Monday.  Most of it was a blur because of the pain and the meds I was given to treat it.  JerriAnne said, "The pain killers...(made) her loopy."  Debi said, "You were...in a lot of pain and you wanted to be left alone."  My husband said, "I saw that, even with pain meds, she was literally tormented with head pain and just wanted to rest."

The morning of Tuesday, June 18, 2012 brought many changes and emotions to my life.  With those changes, I felt unsure of my future.  I was angry--"Why me?  What have I done to deserve this?"  I was afraid--"What can I expect as an outcome of brain surgery?  Will I be cognitively or physically impaired?  Would I have memory of who I am and what my life had been or was like?  And, I was anxious--anxious for my family, anxious for my friends and of course, anxious for myself.

An unthinkable, but predictable phenomenon happened in the afternoon of that Tuesday.  I looked around the room, into the eyes of my four daughters who had traveled great distances from their various southwestern homes to be at their mother's bedside, and I didn't know who they were.  Dean said to my youngest daughter, Heather, who was holding my hand at my bedside, "She doesn't know who I am."  Heather looked at him, with sadness in her eyes and said, "Yeah, mom didn't know me either."  As Dean said, I didn't know the man standing near me as my husband--I only knew his name, "Dean."  I didn't know where I was.  When asked that question, I answered, "Utah," my home for much of my adult life and the state I was born in.  I didn't know what day it was or even the month, date or year.  It was interesting, however that I knew who was our President.  "Obama" was the answer I gave, spoken loud and clear in a low, guttural tone.  My doctor and his assistant were concerned.  He immediately cleared his surgical schedule and they prepped me for a craniotomy, "Now!"  Time was not on my side.  The longer we wait, the bigger the bleed will become and the pressure in my brain could do more damage.

I was wheeled out of the room on a gurney.  I left my family not knowing whether I was going to have a complete craniotomy, where they remove a sizable portion of the skull to get to the hematoma or drill burr holes and place a drain to accomplish the same goal.

I don't remember going for an MRI on the way to surgery.  I don't remember being wheeled into the surgical suite.  And, thankfully, I do not remember the surgery.

My heart goes out to my family as they were witnesses to these events.  Somewhere in my confused state, I did know I was in good hands.  I placed my brain in the hands of a brilliant and competent surgeon.  I was in the hands of trained nurses and OR technicians, who knew their job and would perform their duties.  And, I was in the hands of my loving Savior, the ultimate healer and physician, who knows my life from beginning to end.  He will place His hands upon the surgeons hands and guide him every step of the way.

The Fix

When I awakened, back in my room, I was relieved to find they had only drilled two burr holes in my head.  I could feel a drain coming out of the top of my head, and that felt weird.  I was pretty groggy from anesthesia, so I wasn't much company for my girls or my husband, but I had many questions.

I knew I had some cognitive issues right away.  When I talked, I slurred my words and I had difficulty bringing some words to the front of my brain and ultimately to my tongue.  It was a frustrating feeling.  I did recognize and know, however, who each one of my daughters was.  And I knew "Dean" was my husband.  I witnessed the joy that came into their faces as they saw their mom and sweetheart return to her former self.

***Watch for the final chapter, "In Retrospect"...