I think I have always known that I have had a problem holding on to money. It started when I was 7 or 8 years old when my dad started paying me an allowance of $1.00 every week if I would do my chores around the house without complaining and practice my piano lessons for an hour every day. It was supposed to be the beginning of teaching me a work ethic--you work joyfully and at the end of a period of time, you receive your pay.
Well, the work ethic part worked out just fine, and I have been able to carry that with me throughout my life. BUT, for some reason, my parents neglected to teach me about the one-tenth for the Lord and one-tenth for my savings account part (10-10-80). As a rusult, every week when I got my $1.00, I quickly either walked the 6 blocks to the liquor store (where they sold my favorite candy bars), or the five and dime store (where they had an array of very inexpensive trinkets to choose from), or I would stop the ice cream man and treat all my friends to an ice cream.
My dad's favorite saying in those days was, "You can't hold onto your money, can you? It just burns a hole in your pocket!" I laughed then, because my 8-year-old mind pictured the money burning a hole in my pocket. But, as I would figure out later, he was right.
Unfortunately, the pattern was set and continued through high school, into college, and even into marriage. Try as I may, I could not budget my money. It took me years before I realized the "10-10-80 rule"; and even then, that 80% had too many temptations calling me to spend because "I want" and not because "I need."
I'm 73 years old now, and because I am deeply in debt, I am finding that I really need to tighten my budget belt and ride this out to the bitter end. And as a result of all of this soul searching, at long last, I am facing my addiction. It wasn't easy, and it will still be a difficult up hill battle for me to stop the urges to spend on every little frivolous thing that jumps out and grabs me.
I made a list the other day of all of the unnecessary items that I spend far too much money on. A partial sample includes, books, ebooks, CD's, mp3's, movies, unnecessary souveniers, and gifts. I have found myself being far too generous to family members in need (a trait I learned from my mom and dad) with no regard to whether or not I could afford it. Eating out and going to a movie are up there, too, but my husband usually pays the bill for those.
Add to the above list, all of the temptations from TV, magazine, or internet ads. Those are the hardest ones for me to resist. One thing in my favor, however, is that I gave up quite some time ago, longing for those beautiful clothes that come in catalogs, because after a couple of purchases that made me laugh at this 73-year-old lady trying to look 25, I gave up and decided that what I have in my closet is just fine.
How do I change? I've joined a 12-step program (much like the one AA endorses) and number one on that list is developing a relationship with God and enlisting His help. The relationship part was not difficult, as I already have one, but asking for help was harder.
My first big test came on a recent vacation to Mexico. Every where I turned, there were venders trying to sell their wares, and I was tempted to buy something for this grandchild, child or myself. I realized what was going on, and actually had the courage to walk away and say, "No, gracias." It felt good to come home empty-handed. And I know that Heavenly Father was prompting me all the way.
I keep my mind and heart focused on my goal, and one day I will win this battle with this beast. You know you are headed down the wrong path, when it starts eating into the Lord's 10% share, and I cannot allow that.
Here's to all folks out there who suffer from this same addiction. I feel for you. And I encourage you to grab this dragon by the tail and put it out of your life.
1 comment:
Yep. Life happens. You will get through it. Love you.
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