Selfishness...My Battle With Addiction...

Today, barely 2 days into the New Year (2017) I was privy to the most unselfish acts of love I have ever experienced.  And it took me back 47 years to a time when I first realized I was addicted to "Selfishness!"

Let me try to explain.  Selfishness (my own) nearly destroyed my wonderful, loving, trusting husband!  Selfishness (my own) nearly destroyed a family.  Selfishness (my own) nearly destroyed me!

I began my addiction in 1970, when I decided I was unhappy and needed verification, justification for my my un-Godly acts of selfishness.  (Let me clarify...I'm certain that it started long before this...probably in my childhood, but I began to recognize it in 1970.)  It grew to the uncontrollable stage in 1972, when I ran away, vowing never to return home!  And then something wonderful happened.   In 1974, my Saint of a husband wrapped his arms around me and told me he would walk this road to redemption with me.  And he did.

Repentance was not an easy road to travel, but with Gerry's and the Lord's help, I did travel it.  There are so many things, and even people, I had to give up in order to conquer Selfishness.  I had to learn to be Selfless...to put others and their needs ahead of my own.  This was new to me.    Even as a mother, I was Selfish!  But I was determined to conquer this addiction.

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”
― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

Today I realized that somewhere along this dark road of mine to reovery, I planted seeds of unselfish love, empathy and compassion to my children.  Early this morning, their brother reached out for help in making a decision that, at the time, seemed life-threatening.  Ir was as though the clouds parted and love shined down from the Heavens  and encircled my girls and Billy, their other brother, with wisdom.  Heather called upon cousin, Ann, to please get her boyfriend (an EMT) to get to Mark and assess him.  He is afraid of the expense of going to the hospital!  Within minutes, that was accomplished.  Prayers were sent Heavenward; tears were shed; and a blessing was poured down from Heaven.

Mark will be OK.  He just needs to take better care of himself.  My son(s) and daughters  are the most selfless people I know!  They always put others first before self.  However, when it comes to nutrition and caring for this tabernacle God gave us, we must not be too selfless there.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MARK!  iILOVE YOU AND COULDN'T BEAR TO LOSE YOU!

Have I conquered my Selfishness?  Not entirely!  But, with the help of the Lord, I am more aware of my tendencies and I try tirelessly to put my own problems "in the periphery of  (my) mind" and am becoming more aware of how small they are now.  God help us to try each and every day to be like Him and create selfless acts and not selfish ones.  Like any addiction, the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem.

"Hi, my name is Florene Davenport Henderson Mickelson, and I am addicted to Selfishness."

t