Test Anxiety...

Throughout my life, I have dreaded tests.  It seemed to me that no matter how much I studied, memorized, agonized or prayed...when it came time to sit down and take that test my anxiety level would go through the roof and I could not focus or pull the information from my brain.  And so, I didn't do well on tests.

Life is also a test.  In my formative years, I guess I didn't pay too much attention to life's tests and I failed miserably whenever I would make a bad choice or my actions were not what Heavenly Father would be pleased with.  I have faced many trials.  Some would come at me from out of nowhere and stare me in the face and dare me to do the right thing.  Others were somehow easier to get through...perhaps because I had experienced a similar one earlier and learned from the experience, or I had a mindset that this particular test was not going to be yet another downfall.  And my constant companion, anxiety, is always present.

I recently had to go through the Tax Preparer's Course (for the second time) and sit for a State Board Exam.  I am not new to State Board Exams.  In 1977, I sat for my first State Board Exam to become a Licensed Vocational Nurse.  In 1980, I sat for my second State Board Exam to become a Registered Nurse.  In 2006 I sat for my third State Board Exam to become a Licensed Tax Preparer.  I worked for 3 tax seasons, quit when I returned to Nursing, and let my license lapse.  Anxiety was ever present through each and every one of those tests.  But, miracle of miracles, I passed them all.

This go around with the State Board Exam seemed to be more difficult for me.  And my friend, anxiety, came back with renewed energy.  Perhaps I was not prepared for the test, or perhaps I am just getting older and not prepared for the anxiety that I felt.  At any rate, I did not pass the test the first time and had to re-study and re-take the test again.

My life has been the same.  I work very hard to live a righteous life, and then "wham" I come up to a new wall.  A new test is staring me in the face and somehow I need to get through it.  Am I going to be anxious about it?  Is it going to get the best of me?  I'm pretty sure that with all of the experiences of my past and with my growing and strengthening faith, I will get through it.  But what do I do with the anxiety?

We are tested each and every day we live...even though we don't realize it.  My greatest help in times of testing is and always has been through the Lord, Jesus Christ.  I have learned to include prayer as a major part of any test...whether it is a written exam or one of life's tests that must be checked off of the Lord's master list before I can move on.  Prayer helps to calm the anxiety.  And it is when I feel that calm wash over me that I know the Lord is there and He will get me through.

I passed my last State Board Exam, and I can move forward into new experiences in the tax world.  Is my anxiety conquered?  Probably not, but when I feel it creeping into my heart and mind, I am aware of a greater peace that comes when I quiet it with a small prayer and the assurance that I am loved and the Lord will always be there for me.

Am I passing my life's tests?  I can only say, "I hope so!"  I will not know until the end, but meanwhile I will continue on the path and endure to the end of my life, keeping a close watch on that anxiety that creeps in, and relying mightily on the Lord to see me through.  He is the way and the life and it is only through Him that any of us can get through our tests.