"The 'Eyes' Have It..."

From where I sit, I see before me the benefit and blessing of sight. I submitted myself to many hands this past Tuesday. I placed my faith and hope in the hands of the Lord through blessings and prayers, and He was there. With confidence, I placed my faith in an extremely gifted Physician, and he did an amazing job. I placed my care in the hands of Nurses and Anesthesia personnel, and they gave me kind, tender and loving care.

I didn't pray for sight, because there was so much damage to my eye, I just didn't feel that it would be possible. I only prayed for a good outcome for a new cornea and I didn't leave out the donor, for he or she had to give his or her life in order to provide this gift. I can testify, it is a good cornea.

It was amazing to lay flat on my back with my whole head covered with a drape, in a dream-like state, and listen to my Surgeon and his Fellow discuss everything that they were doing to my eye. It was a teaching experience for the Fellow; and it was a teaching experience for me. I learned that my iris had adhered itself to the old cornea and had to be carefully scraped away, losing part of it in the process. Then my iris had to be sutured together in two places. Because of all of the damage, the pupil is still bigger than the other one and irregular in shape. And my iris has lost some of the color that would make it hazel, like the other eye. It is a beautiful blue color. Hmmm! Maybe I could talk the good Dr. into doing that to the other iris! (Just kidding!)

The morning after surgery, I was escorted into a little room where the bandage was removed. I then was directed to look to the far wall and tell the Tech what I could see. I nearly jumped out of the chair, because I was so excited. I could see the big "E"! I haven't seen it for 8 years. Not only that, I could read the line below it. It was like a light had been turned on in a dead eye!

I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the blessings and prayers of so many in my behalf. If I never believed in miracles before, I am more of a believer now. Oh, I will still have only partial vision in my right eye, because the optic nerve won't regenerate, but it is enough that I will be able to see with two eyes instead of only one. God is good! He certainly has blessed me this week.

There's a song by Celtic Woman, called "When You Believe" that tells how great our faith can be. Why, we can move mountains, when we believe! I love the words to that song. I tried to find it for my playlist, but couldn't locate it. It's probably too new, and they don't release the newest ones on Playlist. Anyway, I do believe! And my mountain was moved this week.

The eye still has a long way to go toward healing, and rejection is always a possiblity, but I will continue to have faith and pray.

"I was blind, and could not see..."

When I began this journey 10 years ago, I was facing blindness. That is not a very positive future for one who loves to read and see all of God's creations with my eyes as well as my heart. I was diagnosed with Fuch's Distrophy (a progressive disease to the corneas that causes them to thicken, and thus cloud over, eventually causing blindness.) My grandfather on my dad's side may have had that disease, but no one knew what it was back then. He was blind in his older years.

There is no cure for this condition. The only treatment is Cornea Transplant. I chose to take that road in 2002, when I had my first surgery. That transplant was anything but successful. First, my eye did not like the surgery and reacted by producing excessively high intraoccular pressure that destroyed 1/3 of my optic nerve in my right eye, thus rendering me with partial blindness anyway in that eye. Next, the high pressure also caused my lense to go completely white (a cataract) and had to be removed with a new lens implanted in a second surgery.

As if all of that wasn't enough, another result of the high pressure caused my pupil to enlarge and the edge of my iris stuck to the new cornea, which makes it impossible for my pupil to contract. Thus, a third surgery was done to try and release that scar tissue. It didn't work.

Lastly, my cornea began to reject, due to a herpes simplex virus (I have a long history of cold sores, and that virus travels the nerve paths to the eyes) that made my entire cornea become thick and opaque. That is the condition of my right eye that I have accepted and lived with now for 8 years.

Less than one year after my right eye surgery was done, my left eye began to thicken so badly that I had to retire from working because I could no longer see clearly, and being a Nurse, one needs her eyes to see! I was a danger to my patients, and so I chose to retire. My Opthalmalogist knew of a surgeon in Portland that did a relatively new procedure called a DLEK (simply put, instead of removing the entire thickness of the cornea, only the inner layer is removed and replaced with a donor's inner layer. It is very complex, and no 100% results were guaranteed.) I opted to try that surgery.

On the day of my 4th surgery (first on my left eye) I was apprehensive, to say the least. After much prayer, I felt better, though the outcome wasn't predicted to be the best because of my past history. This eye could have also reacted and gone sour, and then blindness would be an instant result. I figured, "What the heck, either way I will be blind", so I went for it. Prayers were answered and the results were that I have been given back the sight in my left eye. It has served me well without any ill effects for 7 years now.

On Tuesday of next week, I will go under the little itty-bitty knife yet another time. My right eye has been causing me considerable pain over the past year or two, progressing to almost unbearable. So I am going to have that old, dead cornea replaced with a new one. Dr. Terry will clean up the scar tissue while he is doing the surgery, and put a running stitch around the edges of my iris to bring my pupil back to mid-point. This surgery will not bring back the vision I have lost due to the loss of a crucial part of my optic nerve, but perhaps some of my outer peripheral vision will return. There are many prayers going out in my behalf, and I am confident that I will be blessed.

This has been an interesting journey for me and for my family. Many blessings have come to me because of this condition. I have been so grateful for the vision that I have been given. You just don't really appreciate it until you face losing it. I read like crazy. I have turned to writing, both literature and music. I have resumed my career and have been so blessed with good health to do the things that I love to do. I have returned to taking piano lessons and love it. For all of these things and more, I give thanks.

And so the journey continues.

Fathers...

Fathers! They come in an amazing array of sizes, shapes and colors. Some are tall and thin. Some are short and stout. Many come in various assortments and combinations that lie anywhere in between!

I love my own Father. Though he is gone from this earth, he is far from forgotten. He was the guiding force that helped shape my life and defined who I am today. I remember his quiet guidance in the background when I was a little girl. To me he could do no wrong. He always made me feel like I was his little raye of sunshine! When I was struggling through those up and down days of being a teen-ager, he loomed tall and sometimes threatening. But, still he regarded me as an important part of his life. When I was an adult, my dad and I had many conversations about life and what it had meant to him to be my Father. And he was an example of a good son because he always treated his own Father with respect and love. He was a good Dad!

I watch (and have watched) the Fathers of my own children. Gerry was the best! Oh, how he loved his children! He struggled, just like I did, through the diaper years, the toddler years, the young child years and even the pre-teen and teen years. But, when they became adults, well, that is where he shined as a Father! He loved to relate to them on a new level -- a more equal level. It was a transition that was a joy to behold.

Dean shines when his sons are around him. There is nothing he wouldn't give or sacrifice for either one of them. He truly is a Dad.

This brings me to the best Father of them all, our Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father. He is there whenever I need Him -- all I have to do is call on Him. He blesses me beyond anything that I deserve. He gets me through tough times, lifts my heart when it is troubled, and through His Son, Jesus Christ, I am blessed with the knowledge that death has been concurred and each and every one of us will receive an eternal glory in the hereafter. I love my Heavenly Father.

I hope and pray that all of the Dads out there had a wonderful day celebrating your honorable title. God bless each and every one of you.

"I Wonder Where We'd Be Today..."

I woke up this morning (well, my morning! Actually it was 1:00 pm!) and thought about this day in history--fifty-two years ago today. There is sunshine today, just as there was sunshine on that day and for that I am grateful.

Fifty-two years ago, I married Gerald Vernon Henderson in the Los Angeles Temple. I do not regret that decision. We shared twenty-two years together, raised 5 amazing children, and traveled a very interesting road. I miss him! I will always miss him.

Someone asked me the other day, "Does it get any easier as time passes?" My answer then and now is yes and no. Yes, the festering wound that death leaves on our heart does heal over time. And no, because the yearning to know where we'd be today if he had lived never goes away.

I do have parts of him still with me. I see him in our son Mark's clear blue eyes. I experience him in our daughter, Kim's firmness. I hear his words sometimes come out of the mouth of our daughter, Debi. I see his face mirrored in the face of our daughter, JerriAnne. And I witness his amazing love in the hugs of our daughter, Heather. He left me this legacy and I guard them all with every fiber of my being.

I feel his warmth like a thick, warm blanket wrap around me whenever I am troubled, and I want to just keep it there forever. Every day, in many ways, I feel his closeness and sometimes I ask, "What would Gerry do in this situation?" That keeps me heading in the right direction.

So, today I am wishing "us" a Happy Anniversary. I love you Gerry! I always will.

Into each life...

Ezekiel Gerald

Into each life there comes some sunshine! Meet little Ezekiel Gerald Henderson. Born May 2, 2010 to Gerald and Lily in Taos, New Mexico. He weighed in at a whopping 6 lbs 15 oz and was 21 inches long. According to both Gerald and Lily, he looks just like Gerald did when he was a wee one! What do you think?
Gerald Mark


At least, I can see they both have blue eyes! Now, it seems to me that I learned somewhere that blue is a recessive color, so that tells me that Lily must have those recessive genes in her gene pool and Connie must have had them in hers. Very interesting, because both Connie and Lily have brown eyes! At any rate, blue has definitely shown its color in both of these boys.

We welcome this little new one into the family and pray for sunshine, health and that his life will be a happy one.

Thoughts on Mother's Day...

I don't know why I have been blessed with 6 of the most amazing children plus 14 equally amazing grandchildren and (now) 2 sweet little great-grandsons. I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve these blessings. Perhaps it is because God placed an overabundance of love in this crazy heart of mine and He helped me meet each and every challenge that motherhood brings. Yes! He certainly did!
I don't get to see my children or grandchildren often enough to suit me. But this wonderful day of technology has given me numerous ways of communicating with them, as Heather reminded me recently.
Some of the communication is instant, like the telephone; while other forms might take a little longer, like email or texting. And my own personal favorite, even though it takes the longest, is that old fashioned "snail mail" that brings cards and letters directly to my doorstep. There is that little warm feeling that flutters through my heart when I see a letter from one of my kids.

This Mother's Day was wonderful. Each one of my children remembered me in their own special way and their words warmed my heart.
I have so many tender memories of different phases of each one of these kid's lives. They are so special to me.

Remembering my own Mother brings sadness and joy to me. Sadness, because it was on Mother's Day in 2002 that she left this earthly sphere to go and be with Heavenly Father, Jesus and my dad. Joy, because I know that for me she was the best mother a girl could ever hope for. Though I miss her terribly, I know she is in a far better place than we are here on this earth and I know that I will see her again someday.

My mother was an angel. Whenever I consider how blessed I was to have the mother I had, when there are some youngsters today who don't even know who their mother is, or have mothers who are so totally lost that they don't know how to be mothers, I count my blessings!
I think of the mothers of the 2000 Stripling Warriors in the Book of Mormon, who taught their sons to be good people and to love God and fight for a cause. That is the kind of a mother that I hope I have been. That is the kind of mother my own mother was. The strength of my children tells me that perhaps I succeeded in some small measure.
I love you guys! All of you! Thank you for making this Mother's Day special to me!

If only...

If only time could stand still for just a little longer! If only these images could be reality every day. If only the distance that separates us could be shortened by at least 1,000 miles! If only...

I just returned from a 5 day (way too short!) trip to southern Utah to be with my son and his family for the celebration of Marcus's Baptism. I really wanted all of the family to be there, but settled for the few who took the time to travel for the occasion. My brother came from Salt Lake City and it was so wonderful to see him again. Debi traveled from Provo with Randi in tow! I know attending family events isn't one of Randi's favorite things to do, but she was good to her mother and her grandmother and came anyway. Heather came from Las Vegas with little Hailey. Everyone had a wonderful time.

After the baptism, we all gathered at Mark's house for some grilled hamburgers and some fun "play" in their corral with their horses. Little Abbie showed her skills on her horse and took a ride around the barrells. She is only 4-years-old and has already participated in her first rodeo, bringing home a silver buckel. She is going to be just like her mommy. Little Hailey (also 4-years-old) couldn't wait to get up on the horse, and was a natural. We teased Heather that she and Rich were going to have to get Hailey a horse and take it home to their little postage-stamp back yard in suburban Las Vegas! She laughed.

Heather and Hailey were the first to leave. She had to get back to Vegas and her family. Why is it that I always feel a hole in my heart when one of my kids say "good-bye?" I know it isn't forever, but the emptiness just won't go away. Debi and Randi stayed over another night and went to church with us on Sunday.
Debi and Mark took me out to dinner for Mother's Day (because I won't be there on that day). We had a wonderful Italian meal at Olive Garden (my absolute favorite place to go)! After dinner, Debi and Randi had to say their good-bye's and head north to Provo and "snow!" There goes another hole in my heart!
I spent the next two days just fitting into Mark and Terrie's family routines and loving being back in my own backyard again. Whenever I go to St. George, it is like coming home! I love the colors and the deep blue skies and fluffy white clouds. Not to mention the fact that the temperature was in the 80's the last two days that I was there and it is in the 50's on the Oregon coast! I soaked in as much of that wonderful sunshine as I could.
All too soon, Wednesday morning came and it was time for me to leave. Mark and Abbie took me to the airport. It was awfully hard to say good-bye! There came a few more holes in my heart.
If only I could make time stand still! If only I could keep those I love close for hugs every day! If only we didn't always have to come together and then leave all too soon, leaving such big, giant holes in our hearts! If only...